Sunday, October 2, 2022

Old Trophies

Another day, another adventure in life after infertility. (Ok, the use of the word "adventure" is a stretch. I didn't go anywhere, nor did anything exciting happen.) 

I continue to unpack. One box at a time. If I think about it all at once, I get overwhelmed. I'm gonna need some more furniture or shelves or organizers or something, but it will all get figured out and purchased over time. For now, I am unpacking every box and sorting everything into keep, sell, give away, or throw away. My goal is "Box Free in 2023".

Today I encountered my trophies. Now why in the world did I keep all of these, I wondered to myself. Oh yeah... I went to throw them away once and decided to keep them to show my kids. Then, when I packed up the house 6.5 years ago that I bought for my children, I couldn't deal with old trophies. So into storage they went.

Until now...

Now what.

Old trophies.

It felt weird to keep them. It felt weird to throw them away.

I almost decided to give up and deal with it another day. Then I made myself just deal with it in the moment. This is how I will get unpacked. One box at a time.

So... I unpacked my old trophies, lined them up, and looked at them. They brought back a lot of happy memories. Baseball, gymnastics, speech and drama competitions. I'm so thankful my parents and sisters gave me a good childhood, always driving me around and cheering me on.

Then I made my decision. There was no reason to keep a bunch of old trophies. I admit, I kept a couple that were particularly special. But then... Well, uh, I threw most of them away.

Like I said, it felt weird to keep them. It felt weird to throw them away.

I didn't plan on keeping my old trophies forever. I was going to show my kids one day and then throw them away after that I guess. I didn't expect my children to care a whole lot either, but I like to think they'd entertain me for half an hour while I reminisced and shared some memories.

But... Yeah... That didn't happen.

And now I'm going through everything I've kept in my life.

I'm still keeping some keepsakes. I kept A LOT growing up lol, but I'm culling what I've kept and only keeping a small fraction of it all. I'm keeping some stuff because I enjoy the memories.

But old trophies? They're awkward-shaped and somewhat fragile, and they take up a lot of room. They're not sentimental in the same way to me as birthday cards from my grandmothers.

So things like old trophies get a last look from me and get thrown in the trash.

I hate that infertility took so much from me. I don't have a next generation to share anything with.

I'm not sad about throwing away some old trophies. I'm sad that they remind me of what I never had: children to share my memories and interests with, children to create memories and explore their interests with.



In other news, the world lost a bright light five years ago today. 

Rest in Rock, Tom Petty

American Dream Plan B by Tom Petty

I'm gonna make my way through this world someday
I don't care what nobody say
American dream, political scheme
I'm gonna find out for myself someday
But I'm half-lit, I can't dance for shit
But I see what I want, I go after it
And my girl's alright, treats me nice
Sayin' nothin' but a woman puts out that light

I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it
I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it right
'Til I get it right

Oh well, my baby no doubt dreams further out
Makin' moves to get us someway someday
Well my honey don't trip, shoots from the hip
Tell me everything gonna be OK

I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it
I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it right
'Til I get it right

Well, my mama so sad
Daddy's just mad
'Cause I ain't gonna have the chance he had
My success is anybody's guess
But like a fool, I'm bettin' on happiness

I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it
I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it right

I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it
I got a dream I'm gonna fight 'til I get it right
'Til I get it right


  1. Oh, I feel this. Sending you love. We are planning to clean out our attic crawlspace (which is actually just an unfinished closet off our master closet, this house is weird in the way there's storage in unfinished spaces but no basement really), and I have tubs of stuff that there is really no reason to keep. Old awards, medals, things like that. My 8th grade orchestra award. All those same types of things where it's like, "what's the point? who will care about this?" Definitely stabby. However, there was something I read at some point, can't remember where, maybe Marie Kondo? It was like, take a picture and then throw it out. That way you have the memory if you want to look back on it, in a way that doesn't take up hardly any space, and you can get rid of the thing. I struggle with this myself, but I think I am getting better at "this needs to be thrown out or donated, it serves me not at all anymore and just takes up space."

    Sending hugs and hugs and hugs.

    1. Thanks, Jess. <3 Your comment is very much appreciated. I ended up keeping some stuff. I went from an embarrassing amount of plastic tubs full of keepsakes to just four small tubs. Still a little embarrassing but whatever. My long-term plan is to hire a girl scout or something when I'm old to read my old cards to me.

  2. I was wondering whether you took photos too! (per Jess's comment).
    I find that sometimes helps me when I'm trying to get rid of things like that. Four small tubs of keepsakes is progress, especially when you started with a lot more!

    Now I'm wondering where my old trophies are?? Not that there were a lot of them, but there were a few...!

    Love Tom Petty. And miss him. :(

    1. They're pretty small tubs! Lol.

      I went through the last of my boxes of books yesterday. It was an all-day affair. I've been tired all day, but I'm getting close to the end. It is very satisfying to unpack boxes that have been packed for almost 7 years.